10:09 a.m.
With his mental state deteriorating as he sat in the crushing isolation of solitary
confinement, a desperate inmate named Anthony Gay saw a temporary way out. Sometimes it
came in the form of a contraband razor blade. Occasionally it was a staple from a legal
document or a small shard of something he had broken. He would mutilate himself in his
Illinois prison cell, slicing open his neck, forearms, legs and genitals hundreds of times
over two decades in solitary confinement. Once, he packed a fan motor inside a gaping leg
wound; another time he cut open his scrotum and inserted a zipper. Each time he harmed
himself, he knew that, at least for a little while, the extreme step would bring contact
with other human beings. Therapists would rush to calm him. Nurses would offer kind words
as they took his pulse and stitched him up. Its kind of like being locked in the basement,
and then emerging from the basement and being put on the center stage, he said. It made me
feel alive. Gay entered the Illinois Department of Corrections in 1994 as a young man,
convicted of robbery after brawling with another teen who told police that Gay took his
hat and stole a single dollar bill. He expected to serve as little as 3 1/2 years.
Instead, a fight with a fellow inmate led to Gays first stint in segregation, pushing him
into a downward spiral that resulted in 22 years in solitary confinement. Shortly after
the segregation started, the cutting and suicide attempts began.
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